The Stay-at-home....wife?: 2 Months.....ouch

On Monday Gil turned 2 months. And after the last 2 weeks, I am singing a slightly different tune than I had in my last post. We all got colds and when Mom is sick, no one is having a good time. To add insult to injury, Tim has had to work late every night for the last two weeks. Every night. On a good night he has been home just in time to kiss TJ goodnight. My hard working man leaves at 5:30am and hasn't been getting home until after 7pm. This has left me alone with these babies from the time they wake to the time they sleep.

I.am.losing.it.

Plain and simple.

I pride myself on my patience. I don't get worked up. I don't raise my voice. I don't react out of frustration. I respond calmly and kindly. I make a conscience effort into creating a calm, loving home. AND then last week happened. At one point I was ~~yelling~~ screaming, "TJ NOOOOOOO STOP!! I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH THATTTTTTTT!!!!" TJ looked at me and just started SCREAMING!!! I'm thinking to myself, when did he start screaming!? I can't believe he will be that kid. This is horrible, I'm going to have the kid who screams in public............then it hit me. He wasn't the screamer, I was. Yuck. Gross. If you are looking for me, you can find me in my closet of shame. I can still see his little face when he started screaming. He was startled and frustrated. It's as if the only thing he could think to do was match me at this new game of "How loud can you be?"

I would like to say I had this epiphany the first time I yelled at him. But in the spirit of honesty, this was like 2-3 days into my new volume. I was holding Gil, who was crying something fierce at the time. I sat down on the couch and just joined him in the tears. Poor TJ, not knowing what to do, just burst into tears himself. So, there I sat, holding both the boys, all of us crying. It was that feeling you get when you are a kid, "I wanna go home!" Then I realized, this is home (double yuck), and it is my job to make this better (can you hear the conviction cutting through my heart?). I'm not sure if it was the "pull-up your boot straps" moment or the intense conviction, but I made it better. I am a whole 3 days in, but it has been better. It probably helps that I have been having some serious conversations with Jesus......before I pick these sweet boys up in the morning, after I lay their little heads down at night and many times in between. I find such comfort knowing He's got this, therefore I have complete assurance I am not alone. In Him I am beyond capable of doing my day-to-day with a renewed spirit. I thank God he's in control because I suck at it.

On a happier note, I will leave you with the highlights of our month!

Gil on his 1 month birthday