PSA: Parenting Advice via social media

Next time you are on social media and see a mother post about her kids, I want you to stop and think before you comment.  I've been witnessing a whole lot of parenting advice lately, and it's not even my experiences that have got my undies in a bunch today .  Nor am I talking about some crazy celebrity getting trolled or some major news story.  I'm talking about other regular Moms I know who are posting sweet, funny, crazy anecdotes about their parenting experiences. Sometimes it's not a funny moment, maybe a sweet glimpse or a "first" she wanted to share. I usually imagine the Mother doing a lot of laugh-crying or literal they-grow-so-fast-crying while taking the pictures.  It's a moment that only sarcasm and laugh-crying are the things holding you together.  I assume, the Mother, like myself, wants to remember this in her modern day version of creative memories, aka Facebook and would like someone to laugh with her or gush about how sweet her babies are.  Whatever it is, please stop for a moment and ask yourself these questions before commenting:

1. Is the Mother asking a question, or making a statement?
Did the Mother ask for advice?  Did the post end with a "?"  If not, don't give advice.  Your option are laugh with her, lament with her, praise her, compliment her children or keep scrolling.

Personal example.  The day we brought TJ home from the hospital, we were so excited that we took pictures of him all around his room (in his crib, me rocking him, on his changing table, in the bath).  I posted a picture of him screaming in his crib, amongst other pictures of his arrival home, and joked about not getting to sleep.  I had multiple people recommend sleep books, sent links to swaddle blankets and even message me about how they got their child to sleep.  Really!?  First of all, he was 5 days old, he doesn't need a sleep book, he needs to be held.  Second of all, I wasn't actually trying to put him to sleep.  Thirdly, thank you for ruining my excitement.  Keep scrolling.

2. Does the Mother have a brain?
If she is alive, the answer is yes.  That means you are to give her the benefit of the doubt that she has basic levels of common sense and:
A. Would not want any harm to come to her children.  She knows safety laws and has probably researched many was to keep her child safe in all sorts of circumstances.
B.  She loves her children and is doing her best.
C.  You are only getting a 1 second shot at the situation.  She probably didn't go into to details about all of the safety precautions, rules or circumstances surrounding how this crazy event came about. Nor does she have to explain why one child has a huge ice cream cone and the other child has a small one.  Whatever her reason, I'm sure its the right one.
D. You are also human.   No one is perfect.

3.  How often do you have actual contact with this Mother?
Chances are, if you have a personal relationship with this Mother, her post wouldn't surprise.  You already know a lot of the inner workings of her family and you would understand the tone to her post. Commenting or maybe even cautiously giving advice would seem appropriate because you've probably already discussed it with her.  I am not against productive criticism, but criticism is usually only productive when it comes from someone who truly knows you and can do it in a loving way.  If you are a distant relative, acquaintance or other back in the day friend,  assume A-D.

4.  Is your question/comment leading or otherwise nosy?
#4 should really address both sides, the writer and the reader.  Writer: If you are about to post something, you are putting it out there on social media, don't be cryptic or leave people hanging. If you aren't willing to give the details, I wouldn't recommend posting. This can also be true for the Mother who continually lament posts about the same problem.  At some point people are going to think it's a cry for help, you are leaving the advice door WIDE open.  Reader:  I would assume part C question 2.  and proceed with an option from question 1, laugh, praise, lament, compliment or keep scrolling.


Listen, we've all done it.  I guarantee I have, probably more times than I even realize.  Let's be honest, the other Mothers are the worst.  So, let's all choose to use our common sense and assume others are too.